BDSM RTV MEDIA NEWS!!!!
21 jan 2010
Hump Day: BDSM gatherings alter perspective on whips, chainsSource:
www.dailytexanonline.com - UT The Daily Texan - USA
Editor’s Note: This is the first in a two-part series exploring the BDSM lifestyle. In order to ensure the privacy and safety of all persons, groups and property encountered and interviewed, all names have been changed.
“This is a very sex-positive space,” said Jade to the room full of eager BDSM play partygoers. “We have a lube and condom jar in the kitchen, and most edge play is encouraged. But please remember, absolutely no aerated blood.”
My jaw dropped.
“How exactly did I get here?” I asked myself.
Bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism - these are the many faces of the loaded BDSM acronym. But as multifaceted and large as the BDSM community is, the majority of us never actually encounter it in real life.
I think my earliest introduction to the BDSM lifestyle came from the gimp in “Pulp Fiction” and the dominatrix in “Shortbus,” and neither character made me think very highly of the subculture. Not to mention the years of “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” marathons, which taught me that BDSM is sexual perversion wherein selfish, deranged men torture women. So when I decided to see for myself what BDSM culture was like, I was more than a little bit nervous about the possible naivete of my plan.
A quick Google query of “Austin, BDSM” took me to
CentralTexasKink.org, a clearinghouse Web site where I was able to find a few local groups aimed at beginners in the BDSM lifestyle, including The Next Generation and Austin Voyagers.
After a few screening e-mails from the groups’ mediators, I was officially welcomed into the virtual Austin BDSM community. Within days, my inbox was filled with invites to “munches,” or small, informal meet-and-greets at local coffee shops.
So I packed my roommate’s mace in my purse, put on a leather jacket and went to Spider House Cafe for my first taste of the BDSM experience.
When I reached the patio, I expected to find the BDSM group table with ease. I searched for men in leather vests and women decked out in black. After 45 minutes of staring at strangers and looking pathetically lost, I figured I had just misread the invitation. I was heading toward the back parking lot when I caught inquisitive nods coming from two older ladies sitting at a table with a few other people (none of whom were wearing an inch of leather, and hardly any black for that matter).
When I introduced myself as new to the community, I was a little offended by the lack of enthusiasm. Although the majority of the people sitting with me were male, no one seemed excited at the sight of “fresh meat.” Instead, the entire table started telling me how to be safe as I began my journey into BDSM activities. I started to regret bringing mace instead of a ruled notebook.
“Always try go to a play party with someone you know, or at least make sure you know someone beforehand. It will help you relax and feel more comfortable around all of the new people,” said Zach, a UT graduate student who was also relatively new to the scene.
Elyse, a UT undergraduate student, was sitting across from me. The 20-year-old appeared reserved, but each sentence she contributed to the conversation had layers of experience.
I soon gathered that Elyse was only considered a beginner because she was new to the group itself.
She knew that she didn’t like choking, and she knew what kind of floggers she wanted used on her. Curious to figure out how such a young woman could so candidly and confidently express sexual desires beyond mainstream acceptability, I asked Elyse if there were any particular formative experiences that she believes led her to prefer edgy sex.
“I really cannot remember a specific point at which I said to myself, ‘Well, I’m really interested in X,” Elyse said. “I’ve always thought of [bondage and domination] as very appealing to me. I feel like I had a perfectly healthy childhood with no trauma whatsoever. And I’ve always thought that it was completely natural and healthy - not a symptom. Nothing is wrong.”
Elyse and I decided to meet again so that we would each have a buddy for the next weekend’s play party. The more I got to know Elyse, the more curious I became about her style of sexual encounter. The next day I met with Forbidden Fruit founder Lynn Raridon for some expert advice on how one might introduce BDSM play into their own sexual repertoire.
“I try to tell people about gateways that are real innocuous - where people don’t even realize that they are initiating exercises in the realm of BDSM,” Raridon said. “Really, it’s [all] experimenting with an exchange of trust. But first and foremost, you’ve got to know yourself and be able to be really upfront about what you want.”
Raridon also suggested using films with pseudo-BDSM sex scenes, sharing specifically hot passages from erotica or romance novels and starting with simple toys, such as a blindfold, first.
On my way to my boyfriend’s house to “innocuously” get myself tied up, my phone buzzed with an e-mail alert. Oddly enough, it was a message from someone attending the upcoming weekend’s play party. Apparently, Bill just couldn’t wait to introduce himself.
“I’ve been very active in the leather scene,” Bill wrote. “I think [it’s] fair to say that I’m extremely well-skilled with an extensive range of toys, up to and including a 6-foot bull whip.”
At that point, I wasn’t even sure what a bull whip was, and I definitely did not consider a 6-foot-long object to be a sex “toy.” It was only a few days later that I would see many things that had yet to show up on my sexual radar. From polyamorous relationship groupings to slave-and-master relationships to collared people on the end of leather leashes, I was about to experience a lifestyle that made a 6-foot bull whip seem like an everyday accessory.
